One of the most striking facets of Islam among the young urban and articulate of our modern cities is the growing polarisation between the 'ultra liberal' and the 'all-in' fundamentalist. These are symptoms of an unhealthy lack of alternatives. Liberal Muslims who have gone through university with the voguish and uncompromising anti-americanism of Noam Chomsky have had to then reconcile this with the latter's unabashed atheism. Any thoughtful Muslim studying the humanities and post-structuralism will have to apply its main epistemological thrust to the grand-narrative of Islam. Coming out the other end leaves the western Muslim a wreck from the maelstrom of ideas that they cannot relate to without a deep critique of their own religion. Perhaps we should initiate an Ultra Liberal Muslim party to interdict demand for the atavistic, inward-looking groups with the severe persecution complex. These groups are mopping up a disillusioned moderate majority who rightly or wrongly feel the way to combat negative perceptions of Islam in the west is to go on the defensive and become deeper apologists for its worst tendencies.